whatever

As I was sitting in the diner booth, awaiting my food, I looked over to Fuzzy to find him on the phone. My best friend Omar is sitting across from me telling me one of his wonderful stories about life, boys, and the pursuit of homosexual happiness. As interesting as all that is, my mind drifted as I tried and eavesdrop on his phone conversation.

He hangs up and says, "He slept late, but he is still coming, so we just have to call him when we are done."

There was only one word floating from the bottom of my stomach, rising up past my lungs, shooting from my throat,  and out my mouth and pass my lips...

WHATEVER.

Did I really say that? Was the happy go lucky, 5' 6", sexy chocolate of a man that we call a QT, really uttering such non-chalent words that border-lined pure explosive shadiness? As I said it, I was taken a back for a second. Was I on the verge of being a big ol' meany, or a bitter black homo, or worse yet, a honest and blunt JAY? I had to admit, I really didn't care, but I always care. I'm like a Care Bear with a rainbow on my tummy. But I was over that rainbow to...

And so I ask YOU... Does being OVER IT make me Shady?

Earlier that week, I had an idea of coming up with a trip to "broaden my horizons." For the past couple of months it just seemed like there was one party after another. Everyone had a birthday, and everyone wanted to celebrate... at my house. Everyone knows that I love inviting people over, and the sexual antics are always good cheery fun, but it was becoming repetitive, and while it may be fun for everyone to enjoy my humble abode, I live here 24/7. 

I. Need. To. Get. Out!

The world is such a big place, and New York City is my backyard. Why not take a trip to the Statue of Liberty, or Sony Wonder in Midtown, or even catch a movie in Times Square, just as long as I was out and about and having fun. So I sent out the text, then the replies came in...

I'm Busy.

I have to work.

Not my thing.

No Money.

Fuck You Homo, I have better things to do.

Well Ok then, I mean cultural events are not everyone's thing, and I understand that because if anything, Shawn has always been an understanding person. Yet, Shawn has always been one who has feelings. I'm human, it happens. While I have learned to ease up on the emotional outbursts, I have learned that things are the way they are, the way they are. Besides, it wasn't a big bust, I did have some people say that were coming, so there!

 {sticks out tongue}

The next morning, I was up pretty early, and wanted to head out, you know, get a jump start on a gorgeous day! Then it happened. Everyone was late, people all the sudden had things to do, and no one wanted to pick up there phone. Seemed like my plans just wasn't going right! 

I could have easily just been mad, sulk, cuss people out, or cancel the plans all together. I didn't. Actually, I wasn't even mad. Why? Because if there is one gift the universe has taught me over my 28 years on this earth is, People are who they are.

WHATEVER.

It's a beautiful word I tell you. It can uplifting and positive, like "You can have whatever you like!" or it can be dismissive and or suggest unimportance, like, "Bitch, whatever!" So as the day progressed, and situations wasn't going as planned, I said, WHATEVER, and kept it moving.... Moving to new possibilities of positivity! Sure I was disappointed, because I LOVE my friends. I LOVE new experiences. But everything isn't always going to go right in your life, and everything is not about YOU. Or me for that matter. 

The longest lesson learned. Next time, I will do WHATEVER I want to do, and if know one wants to hang, its WHATEVER. I got OVER it, but there's no SHADE. The Sun will come out tommorrow...

the innocence of sex

So I'm at work, sitting here with a hard on... It feels quite good actually. I have on these silky basketball shorts on (I so need to do laundry) and they are not helping at all. Being hard got me thinking...

When I was a kid I remember that me and a couple of friends were at a family party. The adults were outside drinking and all that, and we were downstairs in the basement having a good ol time. I had to be around 10 years old.

There were 3 guys and 3 girls, so you knew what that meant? Let's play a game!

I had never seen breast before and the girls dared us that if all the boys showed our dicks, then they would flash us there boobies. I was so excited! So me and the other guys went into the bathroom to prepare. 

So we are all standing in a circle and zip down our pants. Ray takes his out first. He is 15. Light skin, hazel eyes, tall with a swimmer's build. All the girls loved him. I look over at his dick in amazement. I had never seen another dick in person besides mine's before. As he was stroking it, I could see his dick was getting longer, and he had a bush right above it. I thought that was so cool, as I looked at my bald eagle. When was I going to get that?

Then Darryl took his out as well. He is 13. Dark skin, plump lips, same build as Randy. He was cute, but goofy.  I look over at his dick and he was having trouble getting it up.  He then stated stroking it faster and making these moaning noises. I felt some kind of way about that...

So I look at mine, I start to jerk it slowly. It didn't take me long to get it filled up as it grew in my hands. Seems like back in the day, it always looked like it was ready to explode! My dick was bigger then Darryl's  so I was cool with that... didn't want to be in last place!

As I think back on this story, I didn't think I was gay at the time, but it was one of the first thoughts that I had an fascination to dick. So we all exit the bathroom backing up so they wouldn't see us. Then 1, 2, 3... we turn around popping and swinging our dicks every which way! The girls cracked up laughing!  That night we played:

 

"Spin The Bottle"

"Truth or Dare"

"Catch a Girl, Get a Girl"

"5 Minutes in Heaven"

Ahhh, the days of innocent sexual activity! What was your experience like playing some of these games? Are they other ones that I don't know about? Can you still play these games as an adult?

looking for a new camera!

So I have been stumping my brain as to why the hell my digital camera will not charge these new batteries! After months of research, trying this and that, I realized that the door to the batteries is cracked! Seems that the company knows of the design flaw and they still won't fix it with any warranty unless you pretty much pay for a new camera! Ugghh!  

I need a GOOD CAMERA. Every Graphic Designer and aspiring Youtuber should!

Requirements:

• 7 Megapixel and 3x Optical Zoom or Higher
• Color LCD, a view finder is optional
• Video Capabilities  640x480 or Higher (Good sound playback on the camera)
• Rechargeable Battery (Possible Lithium-ion) with Charger & AC Adapter Included
• Different Options for Flashes
• Ability to use a SD Memory Card
• Light Weight (Fit in Pocket)
• No More then 200 Bucks!

If any of you guys have one that I can look at, own one that you would recommend, then shout me a Holla! Thanks! 

Oh yeah, you guys like my dreads? LOL

i'm so dumb dumb dumb

Ok so I was on youtube, and saw that Chilli of TLC (My Favorite Musical Entertainers of All Time!) has a new single out! So now she is holding a DANCE CONTEST on YOUTUBE to the best new dance for her song "Dumb Dumb Dumb"! I so wanted to jump on it!

Back in the day, I entered a TLC Dance Contest (Boys VS Girls) that was televised on106&Park! Now that was fun and a dream come true for me! So this time, I just wanted to do just to do it. you know just be silly, since it is a silly song. If I win, great, if I don't at least I can put a smile on people's faces. I hope Chilli likes it.

You guys can check out my video below:



Winners will be announced on JUNE 2, 2008!

the vide{o} experience // postponed

You got to love this press release I typed up (lol):

ShawnQt's Youtube show, the vide{o} experience, has been postponed. The experimental reality series follows ShawnQt on his quest to achieve his dream to perform through the making of Janet Jackson's "FeedBack" video.  Through the initial episodes and commercials, viewers finally got a glimpse of Shawn's vibrant personality.

Why was the show postponed? "It felt like I was the film crew, the editing department, the set director, in charge of casting & advertising, on top of being the star of the show! I was trying to meet deadlines and handle criticism, I really wanted to be on point... and I think I burned myself out."

Throughout the process, ShawnQt felt that this has been a huge learning experience & life lesson for himself. "I did the script, learned new dance moves, picked the concept and location, I was ready! Then the problems came. For example, one of my cameras video taped all this footage... then when I played it back the sound was so bad, then another time it was the lighting, it was just one thing after another, and I got a discouraged. I learned that great work comes motivation, determination, and confidence. I am willing to have all three by the end of it all!"

The last episode showed ShawnQt and his best-friend, Omar Ramon laughing it up in one of the best moments of the series. "One of the critiques that I had about the show was that I didn't include any of my friends in it. I actually have some footage, but didn't include it because I didn't think it was up to par with what I wanted. It was hard for me to postpone it, but I really want to do it right. This is why I called it experimental, because things like this happen."

So what is the next step in the vide{o} experience?

"I plan to release some behind the scenes footage that hasn't been shown. I am going to do smaller dance videos like I did before, and then this summer do one final episode, with the actual "FeedBack" performance! I have people subscribing to my channel, literally everyday, so I don't want to disappoint them... it has been awhile but I am building my motivation back! I love to entertain, and  achieving your dreams is hard, but you have live it!"

Look out for another update in the coming weeks, and also check out the last episode if you haven't already. Remember to Subscribe to My Channel!

Shout Outs to: Everybody on Youtube, Adam & Derrick from ADTV, 5 Black Guys (Elteddy27, WalkingWater, Alonzo Lerone, Nvncyble, IsoLoveLondon) I would have loved to joined you guys, but I had to be mentally ready, you know! Omar Ramon showcasing his wonderful singing ability on his channel! Fellow Dreamer & performer, hasbey1, Sexy & Creative: ww4p, Great Friend: amourpropre, and also: tytygertv, mocityalien, Fabled Verse, kevjumba, blkdancer, brtnydac1, & of course Queen Paw Paw herself, B Scott! You guys are my inspiration!

Gay Gamers Get No Love

Here is an article I found from: that videogame blog today that was interesting:

Anyone who has spent any amount of time playing games on Xbox LIVE knows that it isn’t the friendliest place for gay gamers. The word gay gets thrown around as an insult so often (even by people who don’t think that they’re homophobic) that I don’t know how any gay gamer gets through a match of Halo without being seriously insulted. Now Microsoft has taken it to another level by banning a gay gamer who’s Xbox LIVE Gamertag is ‘theGAYERgamer’. Why? Because of general complaints from the community.

Grant, theGAYERgamer, wrote in to The Consumerist about his experience saying, “I have had a bad morning. Last night when i tried to sign into my xbox live account “thegayergamer” I was told that it had to be changed. I figured that it was just from people reporting it as an offensive name being that the greater Xbox live community isn’t exactly welcome to gay people, i spend a lot of time muting people on Halo3. I assumed that once i called Microsoft they would straighten things out.

“I talked to a supervisor there, Roxy, who told me that she didn’t personally find the fact that my gamer tag had gay in the name offensive, but that the greater Xbox community did, so i would have to change it. I hope I’m not the only person who finds this don’t ask, don’t tell policy disgusting… eek.”

There are two options here. Either everyone thought that Grant was homophobic and chose the nick in order to insult gays, or, the rest of the community is a bunch of idiots and found the fact that the word gay appeared in a Gamertag highly offensive. I wish it was the former but the latter seems far more likely from my experiences over LIVE. That’s fine and dandy really. Those people are entitled to their opinion on gays and, while I strongly disagree with it, they can voice their opinion however they want.

What isn’t right is that Microsoft would react to complaints that are based on hate and bigotry. If it’s an automatic thing after a few complaints come in, why wouldn’t Microsoft give him back his account the second he called in and explained the situation? Grant has every right to have the word gay in his Gamertag, unless I missed something and gay has become a curse word or being gay has become highly offensive.

My Opinion: I believe what happened sucks, but if he didn't want the attention, he should not have created the name. What is the purpose of stating your sexuality in your gamertag in a game that has nothing to do with homosexuality? You can leave that for A4A & BGC! Now everyone is entitled to freedom of speech, and he really wasn't hurting anyone... but at some point do we as gays stop saying. "I'm Here, and I'm Queer" in all venues? On the same token, there should be some kind of censoring, monitoring, or something used in games to keep some of these hateful words out of games, either sexiest or racial. Most gamers are adults, and they act like five year olds! What do you guys think?

  

90210: the new brandon walsh

Tristan Wilds is just been casted in the new spin-off show, 90210. The show is going to air in the Fall of 2008 with an all new cast and guest appearances from the original show. 90210 looks at life through the eyes of Annie Mills (an emo/theater kid) and her African-American adopted brother Dixon (a star athlete and scholar), whose first day at West Beverly Hills High School leaves no doubt they're not in Kansas anymore, especially since there Dad is now the new principal. 

When I was a kid, I watched the Beverly Hills Gang every week, even getting my Mom into it. When my Mom was pregnant, if she was going to have a boy, she would have named him Brandon (since her name was Brenda, lol.) Donna Martin, the resident virgin, was a big inspiration for me to keep my "virginity" and be proud of it, even though she lost it way before I did! And of course we can't forget Brenda who defined the word, "High School Bitch!" Seeing how good of a friends they all were, really made me want to find the friends I have now.

Having one of the main characters as a Black male is big step for the franchise. Sure they have had there black characters (Vivica A. Fox was once Brandon Walsh love interest), and even touched on racial issues, but to see how this character will develop in a predominately/materialistic white school will be very interesting.  Tristan Wilds played Michael Lee on the HBO series, "The Wire." You can also see him in Alicia Keys video for "Teenage Love Affair." Even though he is only 18, he is still a cutie in my book!

If you are a fan of the last show, it wouldn't hurt to check out the first couple of episodes to see if it is good. The character of Kelly Taylor is already part of the show, and others will be included like Donna and Steve. I have been watching the old seasons on DVD, and it is bringing back great memories! Lets see if Tristan Wilds can make history like the others!

happy birthday reggie!

I just wanted to give a birthday shout out to my friend Reggie, who has finally become legally 21 years old! Now we can all go out to the club! I really value and appreciate his friendship, and I am also congratulating him on his new job!  This Friday we will be celebrating at my house (of course) and he will be doing his stripper debut! I so won't miss that! Hopefully I will get some photos for you guys.

Until then, here are some photos I took of him, during a photo shoot, which came out amazing! You can also check out his blog on the side: memoirsofatrackstar.blogspot.com

Thoughts: who are you?

Ok, so there is a new blogger on the scene called, Thoughts (http://thoughts-randomthoughts.blogspot.com). He has a really cool and interesting blog. He has commented on a couple of my friend's blogs but no one really knows who he is. He lives in the same city as me, knows my friends, and get this... has even been in my house! 

Now all my friends have been trying to solve this blogger mystery. But this is what makes it interesting, everybody thinks it is ME! Now come on, why would I want to create a totally different blog just to mess with you guys? I mean really!

So I am asking, just so that my name is cleared: 

REVEAL YOURSELF, 

WHO IS THE MAN BEHIND THESE THOUGHTS?

the bots!

I was bored at work today, and decided to make some of my friends into cartoon robots. There's Jay, Xavier, Fuzzy, Omar & myself. I am going to continue to work on them, maybe even do a youtube show about them!

Keeping Your Head Up

I hate Generic Advice and helpful responses. 

You know the ones:

"Don't worry everything will be fine."

"Keep your head up."

"Man up, you'll get over it."

These bother me to no end! Why? Because all your really saying is, that I am showing concern but I don't really want to invest in the time to help you in your problems because either I'm busy, I have my own problems, or this is so trivial to me that I just don't really care.

I will admit, I have done so on a few occasions, but 98% of the time, if somebody comes up to me with a problem, I spend my attention on not only understanding the problem, but also trying to come up with a solution and/or "creative" words of encouragement.

I have also realized that you CAN'T go to just anyone for advise, because sometimes they don't really know what to do, so they just give you a generic response that doesn't help, and your still with a problem looming over your head. 

SO, If I ever have another problem in the future, I will... 

1) Talk to my significant other

 mostly about anything that is going on.

2) If it is about my significant other,

 I will go to my best friend.

3) If my best friend is not available,

 then have a least two intelligent friends that I trust.

4) Sometimes go to my parents or a older friend

 to give me mature insight and/or wisdom.

5) If necessary, talk to somebody I hardly know

 like a coworker, an internet friend, or dude at the bar

 to really get a non-bias response.

6) Write a blog post about it, 

you will get plenty of comments that way,

 just be prepared for the occasional 

"Keep Your Head Up" though. 

And remember, GOD is always there to listen & heal all things within US, but GOD also put humans on this earth to listen, understand, and grow together with, so that our problems are not always unbearable. 

What do you guys think?

 How do you handle your life's problems?

{Thank You Kenny}

enlargement {three}

You Guys Are Good!

You Can't Tell Me He ain't Fine!

{Mariah Cannon? I mean really!)

enlargement {two}

I couldn't believe my eyes! Ok in my last post I talked about this guy that came into my job that wanted some photo enlargements. The Brotha was fine! 5 minutes later we found out that he dropped his magnum condoms on the floor. So I asked two questions:

1) Should I give them back to him?

2) When I scan the photos, should I show you guys how fine he is?

So this is what happen. The guy comes back in and tells me how "hard" it was to find an ATM, but he got the cash. So I tell him the total again and he proceeds to give me the money. I go off to get his change and our secretary asks him to come to her desk. The sexy azz brotha proceeds to her, and I take a glance at his azz. (He just because I'm married doesn't mean I can't see!) He had a really round plump one two, and his jeans sagged a little showing off some grey and black boxers. Seems like he matched all the way down, huh Jay? 

So she whispers to him, since there are other clients still in the office.

"I think there is something that belongs to you in the envelope on the counter."

Perplexed, he says ok. He proceeds back to the counter as I make a copy of the work order on the copy machine. First he looks inside, and doesn't see anything. So I go over to open it up further, and he then looks. Confused, he takes his sunglasses off, and looks again.

"Wooooooooooooooow" he says with first a glance of disbelief and then he gives off a small smile with those beautiful white teeth of his.

He says, "Umm Thank You" and then laughs, with a tint of embarrassment to his voice. I give him the money and tell him his order should be ready on Friday, so I will give him a call then. He shakes my hand, and heads out the door. Once he is out of sight, we all start bursting out in laughter!  It was the funniest thing!

So I had the photos in my hand, and was wondering, should I scan the photos and just put it up on my blog so you guys can see how fine this guy is? I read the comments, and just like you homos, everyone wanted a piece. Many of you said not to "post" it but to "e-mail" it. Many of you reminded me of the "privacy act" that I have to uphold as a professional. So what to do? Then I decided that if I cut just sections of what he looks like then you can get a glimpse of how sexy he is without showing his identity.

So as you see, there two excerpts of those beautiful eyes and those amazing lips. The only thing is... they are not his.  They actually belong to somebody who I feel he looks like him. 

So my question is, 

who do you think it is?

enlargement

Just now, this "fine azz" dude comes in to my job. He was wearing a black "Obama" t-shirt with some sunglasses, nice fitted black jeans, and his chest and arms were looking right! I mean the dude was fine! He was on his blue tooth, talking to some girl on his phone. I have to admit, I was impressed with his confidence... I so want to be there!  He tells her he will call her back and starts to put in his order. 

So he hands me these graduation photographs he wants enlarged. They were very nice by the way. Lightskin, nice smile, haircut on point! I tell him the price and He wants to pay with Visa, but our machine is down, so he said he will be right back. 

5 minutes later another client comes in. Me and her are cool and start to talking. She says, "Umm Shawn, I don't know who these are, but you shouldn't keep magnum condoms on the office floor." CONDOMS! MAGNUMS! They must of fell out of the "fine azz" dude's pocket when he was getting his Visa. Babbbbbyyyy! Now Gio, the secretary wants me to give it back to him when he comes back! No way! 

He hasn't come back yet, will let you know what happens...

(Note: Would I be wrong to scan his photo and put it up here for you guys to see how fine he is? LOL)

everyday is super tuesday

So today is another day for primaries, and Obama and Clinton have to fight it out with your votes once again. Fuzzy showed me this video which I loved, especially since I am a Sci-Fi Fan myself, that you guys will get a crack out of!

{in} my mind

No one sees what I see.

my mind is like a bjork video

mixed with beyonces

and super heroes

Filled with colors and noises

so majestic, as if the lord has returned

I see trees in purple & green.

my mind is like a daft punk video

mixed with India Aries

and family guy stewies

Filled with burst of lights and sounds

so spiritual, like looking in the eyes of GOD

why do I see these things?

That is bullshit question.

The real question is

why can't you see it

through me...

see...

All the things that I dream

and imagine for me

will never be

because I suffer from 3 things

"lack of motivation,

dedication & confidence"

Never have these words burdened me so

that they would kick me off Cloud 9 

so fast that the only thing I can type is 

:(

It is like being kicked out of heaven.

If you can see what I feel,

It would look like 

Ms. Sophie rotting in that jail

rotting in that jail

all my life I had to fight

I had to fight my insecurities

I had to fight my doubts

but never did I think I would have to

fight in my own damn house!

You should see my apt, its a mess.

A reflection of my mind realized.

Maybe I'm depressed?

Or distressed?

I digress...

Ever knew how to solve your problems,

and you just don't listen to them.

this shit is for the pigs

and I am so much kosher then this...