Friday, August 25, 2006

dream two : becoming a performer

In High school, me and my boys used to go to house parties, and school dances, and there would be so many girls. The music would be playing and some B.I.G., Puff Daddy, or Lil Kim song would be jamming... everyone would get up and dance and sign along to every single lyric! It was so fun! During the end of the night, the club music would start playing, and all the guys would find a girl, and grind like no other! It was quite provocative at 16 years old, but that's how we were.

Yet at times, the best dancers would get on the floor and do there thing! Everyone would crowd around them in a circle and Just kill it! It was just so entertaining and so much fun!

I always wanted to do that... but I couldn't dance. Then on top of that, both of my best friends were great dancers. Every party they would show off, and I could never compete.

I was very depressed about this for a long time. So, I would sit at home and watch my girls TLC, and try and learn there dances. They were so amazing when they performed together, but whenever a Janet or Michael video came on, I was in AWE! Thriller. Pleasure Principle. Remember the Time. All For You. It was just so intrigued by how they would entertain and express themselves through Dance.

Secretly... I would learn a move here. Learn a move there. Any of my friends know, when I'm really happy, I'm always moving or doing a little dance. When I started going to gay clubs, I would sneak into a corner, and when a Beyonce or Ciara song would come on, I would zone into my own little world and dance like there was no tomorrow! Then at home, I would watch Usher or Omarion and just take on some of there moves, and some how through all these people I would come up with my own style... not having any dance training at all.

I went to my first BALL yesterday (The Latex Ball) with Fuzzy, Omar, L, and his friend Disco. I heard about it from Frank Leon Roberts, and with all the photos he has on his blog, I told myself I would let go of all the stigmas I heard about the Ballroom scene, and check it out for myself. Interesting enough I was intrigued and entertained. While I am not fond of the strong criticism on looks and labels, I was fascinated by the fashion & dancing protrayed by my fellow brothas. Gay men are very creative. I don't know how to "VOGUE", but the dance is so expressive, it seems as if it a release for some. What was really amazing about the night was that JANET JACKSON was there Herself, looking down from the balcony as if she was a Queen looking upon her subjects in approval.


All these qualities can be great personal qualities to have in life. Could dancing make me a better person? Do I have what it takes to achieve this dream of performing? Could I dance to entertain others, and people enjoy it?

[This is me practicing, be gentle, tell me what you think...]

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

dream one : becoming a sexy beast

Ain't he FWINE!

Shemar Moore was the first guy I ever had a crush on. Here I was at 16, cutting out magazine photos, and hiding my Alaye calendar so my Mom wouldn't find it. I would sit in my room and gaze at him, wishing I could be with him, since I couldn't be like him.

That was the interesting part about my attraction to guys. I would look at a guy at school and be like...

"Wow, he has nice skin. Look at his muscles? He is so popular around all the ladies... and guys. I wish I could be like him."

Then if I couldn't, then I would try to be with him. I had some pretty attractive guys back in my day. [still do!] But, I never felt like I got to the point where I could be the type of guy I wanted to be.

This is me when I was 19.

Let's just say I was feeling myself at that time. I was growing into my own manhood. I was just realizing that I wasn't a NERD anymore, and I was pretty attractive. I would take photos like crazy, just so that I could convince myself I was! I would take photos all the time, it was a addictive & crazy habit!

But as I got older, Six Pack went Bye Bye!

My stomach is flat, but it I miss it, you know. It does effect me. Now more since I turned 26. I just don't want to let myself go and by the age of 30, never reaching the level I really wanted my body to look. I mean there is hope, just look at Timbaland...

If He could do it, So can I!

Today I jogged on the track around Weequahic Lake. [that is like half a mile!] It was myself, Omar, Calvin, & Dana. It was pretty good. I had my IPOD on listening to Beyonce's "Ring the Alarm," so I was so pumped. I was dancing while running, I had fun actually. I'm not going think about the soreness later. I'll just have Fuzzy give me a massage, lol. [hint, hint] I have been eating much better. A lot of baked chicken. A lot of vegetables. A lot of salad.

I even bought some Fat Free Lays Chips for like 4 Bucks! Never again, it is not that serious!

I don't eat it all the time, just when I feel like I want some kind of junk food without feeling guilty,I do. We are going to start lifting weights next week. I want to get my body ready first, don't want to go to fast and injure myself... but getting the body I want really boils down to one word...


And when I do become a Sexy Beast, I'm going to have a party like this...

Friday, August 18, 2006

Catching My Dreams

The Native Americans believed that
the dream catcher was created
to protect someone while they sleep

The negative dreams
would get caught in the web
allowing the positive dreams to enter
through the center hole
and down the feather to the person sleeping

Then when the sun arose
the negative dreams would
burn away as the sunrays dissipated them

I have a Dream Catcher that sits on my brow, tilted up high. I can wear it quite low, so only one eye is shown. I can flip it to the back, or turn it to the right, making sure my diamonds bling on the side. Its my Dreams in a Fitted. My Hat to the Back Dreams Uplifter. Its my Confidence Giver. My Hiphop Soul Deliver.

Why is it when I wear it, I feel I can do anything? Conquer anything? Can I fulfill my dreams? Or will I live a life never to reach my own potential? What if I fail? What if I cease to exist never to accomplish anything? Is that my worse Nightmare?

[ in need of a dream catcher...]

I can't let negative thoughts get the best of me.
Maybe its time to find out and see,
If I am man enough, ADULT enough to be ME?
Follow me and see, but just one thing...

Will you wear your fitted with me?

Attention Friends & Bloggers: Looking for Cool Kats
and Sexy Mamas in "Fitteds"!
E-Mail me at:
to include your photo above!