Tuesday, September 30, 2008

don't let life skip a beat


{I love being silly, life is to short to skip a beat, have fun!)

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

missing love.

The romance that comes with it all. The smiles of getting a text saying "I miss you." Those late night calls that last till 5 in the morning. You coming by just to make sure I'm ok. Giving me a present just for the heck of it. Waiting to have sex because you respect me. Picking me up so we can get a bite to eat. A walk in the park just to talk. Sneaking a kiss when my friends arn't looking. Holding hands in the movie theatre. Realizing we have something in common. Cracking up at something funny. Remembering the date time and second we first met. Saying something inspiring. Taking me back after I did something stupid. Being there when I need a shoulder to cry on. Washing the dishes because you know how much I hate it. Kissing my hand. Holding the door. Rubbing my feet. sigh...

See GOD, even slut puppies need love to.

Saturday, September 20, 2008


Thursday, September 18, 2008


 My life have been consumed with boys...

Muscle Boys. Stylish Boys. Young Boys. Old Boys. Bald Headed Boys. Drunk Boys. Big Dick Boys. Lil Dick Boys. Webcam Boys. Youtube Boys. Blogger Boys. BGC Boys. Jail Boys. Bus Stop Boys. Beach Boys. X Boys. United Kingdom Boys. And of course the, "Are You Crazy?" Boys!

To say I haven't been having fun is an understatement. To say I need to calm down a little, is a change I can commit to. Sometimes being a BAD BOY, you do bad things. Not intentionally. I never was out to hurt anyone, I was just trying to get my mind off of things and having fun. Letting Go, not following the rules.

The boys won't go away, I'm just not making them a priority anymore.

I have to become Creative...

Now it is time to get back to me, and who I am, and what I am about. Trying to find the next piece of azz or dick is not going to get me closer to my "dreams" right... there is still so much I have to do with this blog and my life! Maybe I will tell you guys some of my "slut puppy" stories... one day.

Since I am going to be doing Freelance Design more in the next couple of months, I really want to progress more in my Design Company. Even if I do get another job, I still want to do side projects regardless. I was talking to Derron the other day, and he really put a bug in my ear. Thanks for the talk man. Some people really do make a living off of this. I am thinking about it, but I am keeping my options open. In this economy, I need a steady paycheck.

Best thing is to have options right...

Derron said that he would help me anyway he can, so that is good. A friend I met through Fuzzy, wants to partner up with me and work on a couple of church projects. I am working with Larry and his mate on a few political projects. I am dedicated to really getting my design website up and running with work on it. Me and my friends are going to be working on this big YOUTUBE project in the next couple of weeks, and I even have a personal side project I'm going to be doing as well. Twin was kind enough to lend me his camera for the time being. I so need to get my own! If I can get a MAC in the next couple of weeks, I can work on using some of the programs on there. I want to do more creative photography, I still have that dream of having my art in a gallery! Everything is going to work out!

I did not give Chilli anything...

While I know I have a reputation of not cooking, and when I do it is either dry or burnt, the food I cooked the other day, was REALLY GOOD! The chicken was cooked perfectly, and contained all its juices. I just payed attention to it, lol. The Mashed Potatoes could have been a little bit more smooth, but it came out of a box, lol. The vegetables were cooked and not microwaved, so yeah, I had a great dinner! Chilli only sniffed my food, she has her own food dammit!

Xavier's Birthday is coming up...

I Love My X! He has been a strong support factor for me, and has truly been there when I need him. I remember we became close on my birthday last year or so,  and he has proven to be a wonderful human being, even with his own crazy antics. I do plan to do something special for his birthday, actually going to work on it today. I hope he likes it!

Fuzzy and I talked...

It was a very liberating, heart breaking, truth telling, relaxing, eye opening experience for me. I was able to express the grunt of my anger, and understand to the point of moving on. The initial feelings of the break up are slowly going away, and I am happy about that. While I can't say we are friends, we have a mutual respect when around each other. He had a party at his house, and I was going back and forth if I should go or not. 

It could have sat at home depressed about the relationship while my friends enjoy his company, or go, get on with my life and try and have a good time. I actually was the first one there, hours before the party would start. It could have been awkward talking to him, but I didn't make it an issue. While he cooked, I went to sleep on the downstairs coach for like 2 hours. 

I know Fuzz wants to be friends, but I don't know yet. In any case, I don't know if he is going to be able to handle me being flirtatious and talking to other guys. I know I won't be. This transition is hard. I just hope that he really really REALLY does the CHANGE he said HE wants to HAVE.

The gym is coming along well...

OK Last week I ate McDonalds more then I should have, but it only allowed me to gain like 2 pounds which isn't bad because I do want to gain weight. Just not fat! I am slowed down on cardio a little, and only use it to get my heart rate up when I'm about to lift weights.

Now I'm doing one section of the body a day. Yesterday I did chest and shoulders, today I'm working on biceps and triceps. I think the protein drinks are working, I don't know really. I think in the next few months I should see a trainer to see how I can be on point for the summer next year. 

For me to bulk up I need to eat food, and lots of it, and I just don't have the money for that right now! So I'm going to take it easy this winter, and then work on the weight gain in the spring time. I just don't want to get a holiday gut! If I keep making chicken breast like I have before, I should be better at my eating habits. Here is a photo of my progress so far...

I have another version of this photo with my dick showing, but I always had this thing about sending my "dick pic" to dudes or even putting them on a online profile. Seems like everyone has one in there phone. It's like your ID or something! Do you guys have a "dick pic" in your phone, and if so how do u feel about sharing it?

Monday, September 15, 2008

Look Who's cookin!

Since I don't have a cook for a boyfriend anymore, I have been forced to really learn how to cook. Got to start off simple right! So I made some Baked Chicken with Peppers, Mashed Potatoes, and mixed vegtables!

It actually tasted really good, and even Chilli Agreed!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

happy birthday jazz

So yesterday was my sister's birthday. She is officially 16 years old, wow! 16? That's crazy. I still see her as my lil 5 year old sister, who I used to torment and stick in the closet, LOL. My sister has a condition where she doesn't have the ability to talk and lacks some mental skills, but the kid is bright, and she knows everything that is going on! So we decided to take her to the Olive Garden, but the rest of the family just wasn't feeling it, so we left the table and went to Red Lobster. My sister at first didn't understand why everyone was leaving! So Funny! She wanted some pasta, LoL! So she started getting all cranky, and I kept trying to tell her...

 "All You Can Eat Shrimp, Jazz!"

Once she saw the sign with the lobster on it, she got excited again! That girl sure knows when its time to eat! Guess she gets that from her big brother! I never made her condition an issue, I guess because I am used it. Everyone thinks they have these BIG HUGE ISSUES, but my sister taught me that no matter what, LIFE is all about enjoying it! And for that, I love her...

Happy Birthday Jazz, and just because you are a teenager doesn't mean you start dating boys either! Trust me, they ain't all that! Yet one day, maybe,  you and Chris Brown will be together.... FOR Ey Ey EVER! LOL

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

That Moment

So since I am technically, unemployed, I have been really focused on making sure my finances are wise and legit, and I am keeping myself happy and motivated. I really thank you guys for the comments and even text messages I received. I do believe that greater things are meant for me!

I think that the best thing to do is to always speak your truth (good or bad) and tell your testimony. So that way you bring forth what the universe has intended for you, you repel what you don't need, and you honor for what you already have!

So a good friend, who is also a youtuber (5BlackGuys) told me the other day that he also was unemployed and that he finally got a job, and what a great job it is! I won't tell you, you just have to watch the video...

Ok, if your on your phone, and can't watch the video, I will tell you. He got a job working for Barack Obama's Campaign! I mean wow, what a great experience! Field Director at that! So GOD is good indeed! I know how the economy is, and it is getting hard, but I know I, and a lot of us are going to make it through! Morris is a testiment to that!

Love you #2!

Monday, September 08, 2008

moving on...

Ok, so the only reason why I'm doing this blog post is to use "the secret" (the law of attraction) and to get this off my chest. Only a few people know, but by the end of September, the company that I have been working for the past 5 years will be no more.

Due to the economy, the design company has to close its doors. I feel a couple of ways about it. I always knew the company was in trouble, so this wasn't a surprise to me. I have talked about leaving my job for the longest, so I guess I attracted this to happen. So in one aspect, I'm content with moving on!

What I have some uneasiness with is my ability to continue paying my bills. The blessing is that Im not in debt! So what ever bills I have are just on going house bills. Since my grandmother owns the house I live in, rent is not expensive. I have some money saved up for emergencies. And I do have the ability to collect unemployment. I'm not deep in the water!

My boss still wants to work with me as a partner. We have two ways of handling this. We have
decided to sell ourselves to another design company (Salesman & Design) and hopefully work out a deal that way. We do have a deal on the table, and but the money is not fully right. We will see. Our other option is to work from our houses.  I can do freelance, and he can get the clients. Once or twice a week get together, and make everything happen. Everything is so digital right now, that it shouldn't be a problem. Even then I can still do design on the side.

Overall I need a salary job with benefits, and I have sent out some resumes, and Im sure everything will work out. To say I'm nervous is an understatement. But for me to move to the next phase of my life, there is going to have to be some discomfort, so I am welcoming it. I talked to my mother and she said, "If you ever need money for food, then you know we got you. You will never go hungry." I remember when some of my friends were out of work for months at a time, and they made it, so Im going to do the same!

I not stressing though. For me the stress will only bring forth more stress. Weird how I can handle this better then my past relationship. In any case, hopefully when all aspects of my life are together, then I will get back to being "me" again.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

right here with you...

{Brandy's new video, Right Here(Departed) off her new album "Human"}

If you guys didn't know, I have always been a HUGE Brandy fan. Brandy and I, are kindred spirits indeead! Her music has always helped me through most of the trials and tribulations of my life. So it was just fitting that she would return right when I have been really feeling down, and for her to let me know that she will be "right here with me" just made my day when I saw this video.