Monday, November 12, 2007

i don't want to be popular,

but yet I do?

I orginally wrote this post December 21, 2006, and kept it as draft. This weekend, I got to meet my great friend, and blogger Trent Jackson here in New York City. I met old and new bloggers, and even a couple of people that recognized me from my blog. All seemed very celebrity-ish indeed! My friends rag on me all that time about my so called popularity, but I really try not to pay it no mind. After this weekend, this post seemed even more fitting then the year before...

So I'm here at work, thinking to myself:

How I can make my blog stand out above the rest?
Which part of my creativity will I express today?
What part of my dream will I want to tackle now?
How can I get more people to read my blog?
How can I be the "Hottest Black Gay Blogger?"

Then I stopped. When did I start caring about blog popularity?

But just think about it. You have bloggers throwing parties, book clubs, having radio shows, selling books, being socialites, partaking in interviews, and even winning awards! If that isn't a Celebrity, what is? Is blogging a way for us to become our in own way, a celebrity?

Let's go back in time, way back in time, to around three years ago. I was talking to Larry D. and he was expressing to me this new thing called blogging. It was a fairly new way to communicate your thoughts and feelings more candid, and people could read and respond if they wished. Now I was no stranger to people knowing me online. I was quite popular on (due to my semi-erotic photgraphy) and have created numerous websites and fansites on myself and other artist. So in short: I like attention. Nothing wrong with that.

But this blogging thing... I was an interesting way to communicate who I was as a person, and not just from a single profile entry with some sexy pictures to go with it.

This was the real me.

So I started a blog called [adult swim]. I was in the transition of me moving out my mother's house, and I felt like I was a big kid trying to become an adult. Life to me felt like one big ocean. You either swim or drown. I doggie-paddled. Actually starting my blog made my transition easier. People would read my blog, give me advise and share in my experience.

It was a simple blog, with simple comments... mostly from females. I didn't mind, I would be happy to get one comment! When I decided to "out" myslf on my blog, it didn't really pick up on readership. This didn't start until I wrote a poem called, how ironic, Celebrity.

I remember Trent Jackson said:
"I am so in love with you. And yes it's because you and I both are celebrities. You are so fuckin hot. I am going to masturbate to your sexy ass tonight with my mandingo, industrial strength, swivel head, multi-orgasmic, stroke me down baby 3500 model dildo that bloger 31905 sent me last week. It couldn't have come a better time."

Oh Trent! [place blushy emotican here] LOL!

Then my blog grew, and as more people came, the more creative I started to become. I wanted to upgrade in my writing, my topic selections and talk more about my personal life. How amazing for people to really care about what goes on in my life? This baffled my mind! It was then after that Trent, who is a great friend of mine, interviewd me on his blog. Then I started to find out about other "Black Gay Bloggers." There was No4Real & Frank Leon Roberts, and a host of others that I never new exisisted, and they were just as creativity and open about there lives as I was. (Not to mention quite good looking)

I remember No4Real was telling on the phone about this "Book Club" he goes to. I so wanted to go! It wasn't until months later that I found out about Derrick L. Briggs Book Club, and get this, all the bloggers I admired were there! All these people were real! So now blogging turned into New York Events & Parties, and I would get people coming up to me talking about how much they loved my blog, and I became... popular.

Towards the end of [adult swim] I was getting like 30 comments and 1,000 people a day coming to my blog. I was working on trying to get a nomination for the Blogger Awards. Doing a huge promotion on myspace & other venues... and I lost. The blog ended the day after.

Honestly, I let the fame get to my head, and I had a moment. This is "only" a blog. In the real world, ain't nobody give two shits about me. What am I really blogging for? For me... or for them? I have to think about that everytime I start a new post. What are you blogging for? So I threw away all the popularity... and started a new blog. I wanted to go within... and blog about my hearts desires. That's when I came up with a dream to start this blog: Dreams in a Fitted.

And here I am.

How I can make my blog stand out above the rest?
Which part of my creativity will I express today?
What part of my dream will I want to tackle now?
How can I get more people to read ... wait a minute?

I'm not going to "try" and stand out, I'm just going to be "me." If I stand out, so be it. But I'm not going to chase this "fame" like I'm going to take this to the grave. But I will say this. I don't want the "fame," but I do want to be heard. I want people to understand who I am, and what I am about. I want people to see my talents. I want people to read my story, so that it may help someone else out. I want people to give sincere comments. I want to continue being friends with all the "Black Gay Bloggers" and help uplift our community to reach new heights.

I don't want to be popular, but yet I do. So with that thought, I'm gong to change up my blog for the new year. I want to be as raw and candid as I can, and if no one comments, fine. At least I did it for me.


Jay said...

Aww, I remember...but yes mr legendary shawnqt, you are popular and going to have to deal with But hmm, how can I be like

On a serious note, it is a little uncomfortable to meet people that know your inner most thoughts and some of my past "situations." But hey, my life is an open book so I just pay it.

Omar Ramon said...

I neveer really got caught up in popularity. I guess that's why I'm not all that popular lol. Don't get me wrong- being an entertainer, I do like attention. However, the reason I began blogging was because I had a lot of stuff on my mind that I had never talked about. I needed to release!! Once the bulk of that was released, I pretty much fell into a slump. I made a feeble attempt to keep the readers coming back for more with gimmicks like weekly themed blog posts but my heart wasn't in it. So now, I only really blog when there is something pressing on my mind or some major event happens. My blog is really for me. While I appreciate any attention it may draw and enjoy the opportunity to relate to others who share in my thoughts or feelings, at the end of the day it's "The Legend of O". Not "The legend of US". *shrug*

No shade,that's just me...

A. Benjamin Irby said...

I think that the most important thing about blogging is the sincerity, the honesty, the realness of it all, that's what people are drawn to.

The popularity thing as much it freaks me out I'm learning just comes with the territory. It is still a by-product and should NEVER be the reason why any of us does what we do.

For me my blog is therapy and has really been helpful in making me face some of my s*** and that effort in turn has inspired others. It's really cool.

-Adam Benjamin Irby

Jersey Brotha said...

I still remember your ShawnQT BP page too, and I always wondered who was this dude that had thousands of hits on his page lol.

Even though I've known you for over a year now, I really didn't feel like I really, really knew you until I read your blogs. They are so creative, original, informative and thought-provoking. Nothing wrong with being popular. Hell, once people catch on to who you are, it's a natural progression. (And it also means you're obviously doing something right.) I know I'm nowhere near that; I'm still a work in progress.

Darius T. Williams said...

This brought a tear to my eye. I remember the three years ago - the time when blogging was the 'ish. I was Jamal K. Franklin and we had GREAT blogging from everyone. Remember when we couldn't wait to see Trent's interviews...that's how I met all my NYC/NJ friend...through blogging.

Let's sing...

and if you threw a party
and invited eveyrone you kneewwww
you would see the biggest gift would be from me
and the card attached would say...thank you for being a friend!!!

bLaQ~n~MiLD said...

I feel like a... Black Republican. Wait...I am! O shyt I'm popular too Shawn! LoL Much Luv!


Dapper D said...

Yes sir! you are quite popular and creative. your inner child and manish ways encourage many others to join the blogging game.


Dayne Avery said...

I remember catching the tail end of your "Adult Swim". I was new to blogging then.

I think you should just express yourself in truth and whatever will come...will.

You mentioned about blog "celebrity". Most of it (truth be told) is internet hype. Don't get caught up in the pretend fabulousity. Stay ShawnQT and that will take you even higher.