That Moment

So since I am technically, unemployed, I have been really focused on making sure my finances are wise and legit, and I am keeping myself happy and motivated. I really thank you guys for the comments and even text messages I received. I do believe that greater things are meant for me!

I think that the best thing to do is to always speak your truth (good or bad) and tell your testimony. So that way you bring forth what the universe has intended for you, you repel what you don't need, and you honor for what you already have!

So a good friend, who is also a youtuber (5BlackGuys) told me the other day that he also was unemployed and that he finally got a job, and what a great job it is! I won't tell you, you just have to watch the video...

Ok, if your on your phone, and can't watch the video, I will tell you. He got a job working for Barack Obama's Campaign! I mean wow, what a great experience! Field Director at that! So GOD is good indeed! I know how the economy is, and it is getting hard, but I know I, and a lot of us are going to make it through! Morris is a testiment to that!

Love you #2!

moving on...

Ok, so the only reason why I'm doing this blog post is to use "the secret" (the law of attraction) and to get this off my chest. Only a few people know, but by the end of September, the company that I have been working for the past 5 years will be no more.

Due to the economy, the design company has to close its doors. I feel a couple of ways about it. I always knew the company was in trouble, so this wasn't a surprise to me. I have talked about leaving my job for the longest, so I guess I attracted this to happen. So in one aspect, I'm content with moving on!

What I have some uneasiness with is my ability to continue paying my bills. The blessing is that Im not in debt! So what ever bills I have are just on going house bills. Since my grandmother owns the house I live in, rent is not expensive. I have some money saved up for emergencies. And I do have the ability to collect unemployment. I'm not deep in the water!

My boss still wants to work with me as a partner. We have two ways of handling this. We have

decided to sell ourselves to another design company (Salesman & Design) and hopefully work out a deal that way. We do have a deal on the table, and but the money is not fully right. We will see. Our other option is to work from our houses.  I can do freelance, and he can get the clients. Once or twice a week get together, and make everything happen. Everything is so digital right now, that it shouldn't be a problem. Even then I can still do design on the side.

Overall I need a salary job with benefits, and I have sent out some resumes, and Im sure everything will work out. To say I'm nervous is an understatement. But for me to move to the next phase of my life, there is going to have to be some discomfort, so I am welcoming it. I talked to my mother and she said, "If you ever need money for food, then you know we got you. You will never go hungry." I remember when some of my friends were out of work for months at a time, and they made it, so Im going to do the same!

I not stressing though. For me the stress will only bring forth more stress. Weird how I can handle this better then my past relationship. In any case, hopefully when all aspects of my life are together, then I will get back to being "me" again.

right here with you...

{Brandy's new video, Right Here(Departed) off her new album "Human"}

If you guys didn't know, I have always been a HUGE Brandy fan. Brandy and I, are kindred spirits indeead! Her music has always helped me through most of the trials and tribulations of my life. So it was just fitting that she would return right when I have been really feeling down, and for her to let me know that she will be "right here with me" just made my day when I saw this video.

im so not me...

So Im on my way to the beach for the last days of summer. Im blogging from my phone, so will not make this long. Just felt since the trip was going to long I might as well blog, u know! So ride with me, LOL!

We are on our way to the nude beach. Again, lol. I know, I know its starting to feel like my trademark, but I think this time Im not going to do it. Weird right? I feel like Im more confident to do it body wise, but just don't. Fuzz used to be my inspiration for doing it, he won't be by my side this time. I don't know, if I get drunk enough, maybe, LOL.

Speaking of Fuzz, he is going to be there. He has been planning this trip on his own for a couple of weeks now. At first I wasn't going to go because he was there, but I can't keep hiding, and deprieving myself of fun because he will be there. We don't talk much. I had a sore throat the other day, and he sent me a message hoping I felt better. Wonder how he found out? Had to be one of our friends, lol. Its weird. I want to talk to him, but I think I will just get angry all over again and throw a boot at him, so I don't. It is so weird how thin the line of love/hate is.

Im so not myself these past couple of weeks. I used to be all about love, relationships, and living a wonderful life with ur soul mate, and now I think the whole thing is bullshit! Now Im not saying Im "bitter" because the last thing I want to do is be that. I know love is out there. I am just not feeling "love' right now, at all! I can't believe Im actually "Damaged" like Danity Kane says. Only thing is, I need to a first kit handy for not and not from someone else!

I have been such a "slut puppy" to. I don't know why, I just am. Don't mind being one to, LOL. I have been a lot of fun to! Ok sometimes I feel guilty, but then again I don't. Im so not myself right now, and don't care. The guys have been coming out of the woodwork, and just been a big huge flirt! If ONLY I could tell ya the stories! I won't. At least not now. I don't know if Fuzz still reads my blog, but should I even care?

I have been really happy my friends have been there... which really helped me a lot. I would be an emotional wreck if it wasn't for them. I think I have started becoming moody. I will go from happy, to sad, to angry as hell, to just not feeling anything. This is so not me, but Im dealing. I think I need to write this blog post to get some of this out, it gets hard holding all this in.

Im mostly concerned with with my anger. I never been an angry person, and I don't know how to express it correctly. I try to rationize it but I don't want to, I just feel like breaking a dish! I feel like Im going to be like Jill Scott in that Tyler Perry Movie, or Angela Bassett in Waiting to Exhale! I try to use the gym to let it out, but it takes to much control, I need to lose control! Wow I sound like the Dark Phoneix! LOL

I pray a lot. Keep asking GOD to walk in front of me. So anything that I am about to encounter God can bless it or push it away. This comes to play in my other parts in my life, like my job, my money, and where I want to go creative wise. I pray for strength. I pray not to feel empty. I just pray that I don't really throw a boot at somebody, LOL!

We are almost there, and I have to pee so badly! Omar Twin is so not going to pull over. Its like 85 degrees, so it should be a good day! My Omar is knocked out sleep. We listening to some reggae music, Twin is getting it in! LOL. We have some other friends following us, and meeting us there. I wonder if I will meet a guy I can flirt with. LOL. Flirting is fun to say the least. I know I can't get people all caught up in me. I know it can happen, im a lovable guy! So have to keep people at arms length.

Ok I already feel better reading this, this is so not me, but Im ok with it.

so what...

Ever wanted to know what the mind of ShawnQt looks like, here it is. Ever since I heard this song by PINK (song below), I have been a broken hearted, horny toed, spontaneous, drunken, flirty, emotional, don't give a fuck slut puppy! And you know what? After being in 2 relationships, back to back with close to 5 years of my time, I'm actually feeling good, I'm not myself!