who would win?

WHO WOULD WIN?

LION-O OR HE-MAN?

[YOU CASTED YOUR VOTES, AND LION-O WON!]

damn bitches... :)

another sad love song...

Sad songs make me cry. Especially when they are saying exactly what you are feeling. It is as if they have felt exactly how I feeling right now. I guess we are all human. Without love, I am nothing...

I love Brandy, she understands me.

Sometimes I wonder... do they help the hurt and pain go away, or makes you keep thinking about it over and over again? It's a mix I guess, because as much as I don't want to be sad anymore, all I want to do is listen to it again. Here we go again...

I love John Legend, he understands me.

It really sucks when your pissed and sad at the same time. You know why your mad, but sad that your mad. Then your sad that they are mad, and it just goes on like such. Emotions are not logical. They are just the aftermath of your thinking. Where do we go from here...

I love Deborah Cox, she understands me.

I try not to be a complicated melody. I try to be simple. It gets aggravating at times. I just want to be loved. maybe I don't let you. I just wish I could feel his love now, instead of hearing another sad song...

I love you, I just hope you understand me.

I do

...in the deepest of my dreams...

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 10 years now. Even though we met on gay website, we both were only looking for friends. Through the years we have been through our trails and tribulations, but each time, our love always kept us together. Both of us have had our fair share of employment problems, but now I'm with a presitgous company in New York City, and my baby finally got a new promotion, it will finally help us get the house we always wanted. We will be sharing the house with my bestfriend and his boyfriend, and it is a dream for all of us to finally be together as a family under one roof.

One month ago was our anniversary. We have always spent our anniversaries just me and him, but this time we wanted to invite our friends, and some family to a banquet in our honor. You don't see a lot of gay relationships last this long, so we wanted people to know that it is possible. Some of my friends write for a couple of gay magazines like CLIK and Ballroom Rockstar, and they decided to write an article on us. I was so excited! Even some of our old blogger friends will be there.

Since New Jersey legalized civil unions, a lot of places have been very gay friendly, so finding an affortable place that made our guest feel comfortable was pretty easy. We wanted the event to be magical and artistic. It's pretty cold in Febuary, so we wanted to do a winter theme. Everyone would drive up to the entrance and walked directly to long the Icy-Blue carpet, with ice statues on the each side. They were images of a male couple in various poses, very romantic! As you walk in, a host dressed in a sky blue tux greated you in French, Spanish, and even some in Japanese. A lot of people was quite impressed but confused from the dialect, but the host would explain themselves in English as well.


As you walk into the ballroom, There were two long tables on each side of the room. Each table could easily fit 40 people. The center was used for the host to serve, and for entertainment during the event. Man, you should have seen it! There were chandeliers with ice crystals handing down, and the walls were filled with beautiful lights of different shades of blue. At the end of the room was a table were me and my baby sat. Behind us was Beautiful ice sculpture of me and him locked in a kiss. It was a sight to see! It brought tears to my eyes! The guest were seated, and the food was really good. For entertainment, we had dancers, singers and even a comedian who was quite funny!

At the end of the night, my baby had a special gift for me. A Host rolled out a really huge box wrapped in a bow, almost the size of him. He pulled on the bow, and the box collapsed on all sides, unleashing balloons into the air. Everyone was in awe. Then on the bottum of the box was a small blue box. He picked it up, walked towards me, and got on one knee...

I was so shocked, I didn't know what to say! I knew what was about to happen, but I didn't know this was happening right here, right now. So he's on one knee, and all the guests are just watching and smiling. One of my friends even shouted out "You Better Say Yes, Boy!" He looks me in my eyes and says:

"I have loved you ever minute,
every hour & every day of my life.
I have loved you, even before I met you,
because you emcompass everything I've been looking for.
And, here you are in the flesh,
right before my eyes, and you are here with me.
It's not about living each moment of my life with you,
but making ever moment with you last a lifetime.

I love you."

By this time, I'm standing there shaking, and crying at the same time. He opens up the box really slow, and all I can do imagine what the ring looks like. As I gaze into the box, I see nothing there. Everyone else looks at my face in disbelief. Was this all a joke? I look at him, and he smiles. He then says:

"There is nothing on earth
that can symbolize the love I have for you
So I have prayed to GOD to give me
something made just for you."

And as I try and figure out what he means, a spotlight shines to the cealing as string glides down from the heavens, and into my lovers hand. He opens up his hands, and shows me a block of ice. Within it is a ring. He pulls his hands close to his heart, and says:

"My heart burns so strong for you, that the heat will melt this token of love from me to you."

He squeezes the ice with his hands, and I can hear it breaking in his strong hands. Within his palm is my ring, from GOD, sent from the heavens, and made just for me. He pulls the ring out, wipes his hands, and places it on my finger.

"Shawn, Will you Marry?"

I look into his eyes, and smile. And shed a tear, thanking GOD under my breath for sending me such a beautiful man into my life. hold his hand, and Isay.

"I Do!"

He gets up, and I kiss his soft lips like I have never kissed him before, as all the guest clap and cheer.

...I woke up that morning with a smile on me face...

the last days of left eye

Dear Lisa,
Hey girl... I just want to say that I miss you. Your craziness. Your creativity. Your compassion. Your spirit. TLC was a big part of my teenage life. Yet, you know that. It wasn't until I was older that I understood the person you are, and the person you was trying to be. A Supernova... a light so powerful and so bright, that when it explodes, its energy is released into a million pieces. Then those pieces are formed to create a new light. Spiritually, you was like my ray of light.


It seemed like yesterday, you and the rest of the girls were a team. The best female group of all time. You stood for independence, freedom, & standing up for oneself. You was conscious about the issues of the world, on top of making all your fans dance, cry, and feel good about ourselves. I miss TLC, it just isn't the same anymore since you been gone.


To you, we weren't just fans. We were like an extended family. Even when the fans got together to see you in concert, or go to a TLC event in your honor, we came together strong. Fellow TLC fans were like family to me as well. We had so much fun together. We would do anything, say anything, sing to the top of our lungs, and just enjoy the experience that you and the girls created.


The realization that your gone still doesn't seem real. You was so vibrant, so in your face, your silence saddens everyone that loved you. All I can do is put in your cds, and turn up the volume when your rap comes on, and jam like I never jammed before. The only I can do is to spread the knowledge you wanted everyone in the world to know. To Love yourself, love one another, be at peace with your spirit, and express yourself until your heart hurts!

I love you, and I miss you.

[shawn]

“Last Days of Left Eye”

will have its broadcast premiere on VH1

May 19 at 9pm (ET/PT)

If I wasn't so nice...

...so we go to this fashion show, the usual crew, and I finally meet Fuzzy's old fiance.

Well they wasn't going to get married, but SHE was the girl Fuzzy wanted to be with when he was younger. You know, the childhood sweetheart. They go to the same church together, and are still really good friends even after she found out he was gay. Cool. So we are at the fashion show, and she gets up to walk around during the intermission. Mostly everyone was leaving, so there were more seats open. I sit down to relax since I been standing down for so long. She comes back, and sits in another seat while the show begins. She then starts to ask around where is her white jacket, come to find out, its on my back seat....

So somebody gives her the jacket, and she gives me this mean azz stare, and then brushes off her white jacket in disgust. My AZZ or my BACK wasn't EVEN on her DAMN WHITE JACKET! I wasn't even sitting back all the way... and I didn't think I needed to apologize to her, and who would after that rude azz dramatic she gave me! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME!

I was over it from there.

So we go to Applebees afterwards, and I was quiet the whole time, it was just very uncomfortable. So she goes over to Fuzzy asking him if he could buy her some BBQ wings.... EXCUSE ME, THAT'S MY MAN! I calm down, they are friends, and he can buy her what ever she wants. sigh. I was jealous. So then he tells the waitress to put him and her on one bill. NOW THEY GOT THERE OWN BILL, IS THIS A DATE I DON'T KNOW ABOUT? I calm down. Of course I don't show my jealousy. I'm cool with it. But in my mind, I was thinking... WAIT UNTIL WE GET HOME!

As I order, he asks me, "Do you want me to pay for you?"

HELL YEAH! Then in my mind I'm thinking, NO WAY THIS GIRL IS GOING TO TAKE MY MAN!
My eyes are green!

So the next day, I go over to Fuzzy kissing him on the coach, and I ask him who he is on the phone with. IT WAS HER! I sucked my teeth, got off him and looked out the window. He asked me why I did roll my eyes like that, and I didn't say anything. I didn't want her to know that I didn't like her, out of respect to Fuzz, but then I hear her on the phone saying... I DON'T LIKE HIM!

SHE DON'T LIKE ME! I DON'T LIKE YOU! If I wasn't so nice!

Come to find out later on that night, she NEVER LIKED ME! Even before the white jacket on the chair incident. She told Fuzzy that I looked like a nerd... A NERD! JUST WHEN YOU THINK INSECURITIES LEAVE, I started feeling some kind of way. Back in the day, I was called that by the girls, and it left me depressed for a very long time. As I got older, I refused to let that part of my life get to me again, so it bothered me for a second... just for a second. If I'm a nerd, I'm the finest and sexiest one, with or without my glasses!

I STILL DON'T LIKE HER... but then I had to really get back to who I am. I'm not one to get jealous easily. I can understand why she would be upset if someone sat on her jacket, and even if I did, I still think it was a rude way to react. She is entitled to comment on how I look, because I damn sure have my opinions, but I would never express it. I respect Fuzzy, and if she is an important part of his life, I can make an effort to respect her. We just got off on the wrong foot. Somebody told me I should have put my foot somewhere else, but I'm too nice for that!

:)

// ShawnQt //