I feel like I just got off tour.
Here I am, this big huge celebrity Youtuber, creating all these videos to entertain thousands of fans every single week for a year, and it was a great and full filling ride. I got a chance to work with some amazing guys, got to chance to meet other talented people, and really get in-touch with my fans. I got a chance to show people my creativity. I had a chance to dance and entertain and even be funny, which I never thought it would be something I would do. It was a great tour.
Then I woke up from that dream.
Now I am home.
No lights and cameras.
No subscribers.
No SHAWNQT.
No nothing.
Just Shawn.
No lights and cameras.
No subscribers.
No SHAWNQT.
No nothing.
Just Shawn.
So here I am blogger. Back home. Seems pretty empty I see. But everything is still where I left it. I just took the time to read some of my past posts. I was really good. I really knew who I was as a person.
Now... not so much.
What is the next step to who I am as a person. Being in the small public eye that I have put myself in was very rewarding and very trying as well. While being apart of the FIVEblackgUys was great, our last couple of weeks was the worst experience with the group. I hate the feeling of working with people that lack integrity, communication and dedication to something that other people feel passionate about. Sometimes I wish I could just put out some creative content and everything be on me, but it wasn't. We had to work as a group, and sometimes it doesn't work like that. But in the end, we all came together and showed people that no matter whatever trials and tribulations we may have had, we created a legacy. But what does hat mean for the group now?
Now... not so much.
What is the next step to who I am as a person. Being in the small public eye that I have put myself in was very rewarding and very trying as well. While being apart of the FIVEblackgUys was great, our last couple of weeks was the worst experience with the group. I hate the feeling of working with people that lack integrity, communication and dedication to something that other people feel passionate about. Sometimes I wish I could just put out some creative content and everything be on me, but it wasn't. We had to work as a group, and sometimes it doesn't work like that. But in the end, we all came together and showed people that no matter whatever trials and tribulations we may have had, we created a legacy. But what does hat mean for the group now?
Sometimes being apart of the group put a strain on my relationship and my friendships. I am no longer close with some of my friends, even when I want to be. It was hard to spend time on something for the FIVEblackgUys when Remarkable may have needed my time. I was never good at the balance.
So now that I have awaken from this dream, WHAT'S NEXT?
2 comments:
Working with a group can be less-than easy. And it shows your tenacity to be able to work through that, and to deliver a flawless result at the end.
It can be tough to balance YOU from the expectations of YOU. You should know that your followers, and supporters all value the marks that you make, via the blog, via your tweets, and via the videos. You're a wonderful person, Shawn, and that comes through what we see of you.
I hope that the summer hiatus gives you pause to regroup, and attack whichever projects you find most suitable to you. Those who are your true supporters will be happy with any ShawnQT we can get!
The things you are saying remind me of things I've heard from people who were starring in a tv series and it ended. And suddenly a large part of their personal identity has to change to meet their new circumstances. Only it doesn't happen in unison. It's like going up an escalator and the steps are moving at a different speed than the handrail. And nothing is in synch. Eventually, when u least expect it.... #POW things start to synchronize back up again. But in the meantime it must feel bizarre. ~Calv
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