"the secret"

I started this blog 2 years ago to put some of "dreams" in motion. I always wanted to have the body I always wanted. So for my  last birthday, I just asked for two books. The LL Cool J Platinum Body Workout Book and The Secret. Through these two books I could not only work on my physique, but also get my mind right. My biggest setback in all my attempts to work out was my dedication and motivation to really do it!

I would go one week with eating healthy, then fall off the next week. I would go jogging in the park, then forget all about it. I would try and do push ups and just wasn't in shape to continue. For the past 2 years, this is what I did. I just gave up. I ended up gaining 15 pounds and a gut to match, LOL! One time one of my friends said, "Shawn your gaining a little pudgy there, you always used to be skinny!" You don't know how much that hurt my feelings! I think one time we had a underwear party at my house, and I felt so self-conscious about the photos afterwards, I didn't even want to show anyone, I just really let go.  What really bothered me was when I would dance, I didn't have the full energy like I used to.

When I was younger I could eat ANYTHING, and I mean ANYTHING and never gain any weight. Until I got older, and the metabolism started slowing down, it really took me down with it. So what was really the last straw? I had to be when I went to BURGER KING, and I ate a Whopper, Large Fries, and a Strawberry Shake. When I tell you I had never been so sick in my life! Man! I vowed I would never go again... and decided to really ditch out the cash and sign up for the gym. But I wanted a work out partner! Fuzzy would exercise with me, but he didn't want to do it all the time. Omar didn't have any money to go to the gym, and everybody else didn't really show that much interest in doing it. So I said I would join the gym! So I was ready to do it, and then I got sick...

I think I had bronchitis. Fuzzy had it, and gave it to me, but I think I had the dormant version. It would only come out once in awhile, and it really started hurting me when I worked out. I was sooooo depressed! Part of this problem is what left me not to even continue "the vide{0} experience" I was depressed that I couldn't even stick to eating right or working out, and just was going through it, trust me! Yet The Secret says:

"Everything  that's coming into your life, you are attracting into your life.  And its  attracted  to you by virtue of the images you're holding  in your mind. It's all in your thinking."

It was then that I knew that I just had to envision the body I wanted and stay with it! I thought about it all the time. I collected photos of what I though my body would be. I bought a gym bag just for the heck of it. Started looking at workout shoes, and I clearly didn't start  doing anything! So this is my secret...

I 

have been 

going to the GYM 

for the past 3 Months! 

Nobody knew. None of my blogging family, None of my readers, None of my friends, Not even my best friend Omar, and I didn't even tell my boyfriend! NO ONE! LOL. Well... the only person that knew from the beginning, and that was my good friend from Canada. Why didn't I say anything? Well I didn't want to fail and prove people right, and I felt that deep down, everyone didn't think I took it seriously. So I felt like a Super Hero that had a secret identity. I would sneak after work three times a week. I started eating better and keeping up with it. After a couple of weeks, people started to notice, heck I started to notice! I lost all the weight I gained, and even lost a little bit more. My chest was becoming bigger and more defined, and my abs were finally coming in slowly. I never had biceps before, and now I have a couple of bulges showing! I gained a lot of endurance in running, and was feeling a lot better health wise. Feels weird to get emotional in the mirror while flexing, LOL.

I did it! I'm so happy for myself! I told mostly everybody like a week ago what I have been sneaking around doing, but everyone has been pretty supportive of me. Me, X and Twin even went to the gym early saturday morning before heading to Fire Island Black Out to get just a little bit tighter! I said I was going to take photos at the beach, but I was so busy walking around, getting attention, guys flirting with me, that I totally forgot. It was a very different feeling, but I enjoyed it, very innocent.

So that is my secret guys! I still feel like I have a long way to go, but if I can maintain where I am now, I am more then happy with myself! While I love attention and compliments, the best gift is that I FINALLLLYYYYYY dedicated myself to doing something I always wanted to do!