Sunday, June 15, 2008

a jealous person?



I have never really been a jealous person.

I have always valued my connections with people. Even those of the past. My ex taught me that. Yet when I saw my best friend get out of my ex's car, I just watched as they conversed with each other. I looked out my window, but they couldn't see me. I then went to my coach, put on my ipod and cried.

why?

I guess because the friendship I once had with him, is now gone, and my best friend is the one who has it. Yet am I really jealous? I'm not a jealous person. I have never even mentioned this to him, or anyone for that matter.

I have long come to terms with the romantic feelings I felt for him, yet even still our friendship has had its ups and downs. We have our reasons. I don't know why the connection isn't there anymore? A part of me feels like so much time has passed that it will never come back.

My best friend deserves his friendship. He really is a good guy. Seeing them interact, reminded me of how we used have fun. Seeing the best friend I love, have the love, of someone I used to love I guess makes me sad.

My ex has put out his hand for us to reconnect...
but I don't know why I can't.

I don't know if I will ever know.

I'm sorry
for feeling jealous.

10 comments:

THE CAPTAIN said...

Sometimes you have to move forward, treat them kindly, but in most cases, to reconnect is to re-live the past. Old thoughts, images, dreams, feelings return, why torment yourself?

Old chapters in life always comes back for correction, would it be for good or bad?

Once a chapter is closed, don't look back. It will only delay the future.

Omar Ramon said...

sorry u feel that way. y'all need to talk.

Anonymous said...

Knowing you only through your blog, let me offer this small piece of advice - Never apologize for how you feel!

Plain and Simple, there is a reason that you feel the way you do....that maybe can't be justified or explained but you are entitled to it.

When relationships end or change, it is natural to go through a period of mourning, and even have a relapse when presented with further evolutions of that very relationship.

Take time and tend to ur feelings, and don't wish them away so quickly. Grow from this...

AI

4GOTTEN1 said...

These feeling are natural and you shouldn't feel bad for feeling them. You have to feel these emotions to properly heal, but i'm no expert.

Darius T. Williams said...

I left a comment but I have absolutely no idea where it went. Anyway, I don't know about this one. I think being jealous is only natural, right? But I know one must exercise keen wisdom in this scenario. You're smart shawn and I have no doubt that u will make the right choices regarding this. But you should be sure to blog about the outcome. There are a lot of us who could learn from this experience.

fuzzy said...

I never would of imagined you to be the jealous type of person. I do understand that type of feeling before. It has come on more than one occassion and it somewhat hurts. I feel you on this one.

You should try to figure out exactly why you are jealous. Then if you cannot work it out on your own and come to your own resolution then you should have a convo with your ex!

Thoughts said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ShawnQt said...

I rarely DELETE comments,but I believe that while making the post "vague" I missed out on an important detail.

My best-friend and my ex are NOT establishing a "romantic relationship", purely a "friendship."

Hopefully this can clear up some confusion, and I will edit the post to clarify that. I do appreciate the comments given, and I do have an update to the post.

Jay said...

Even though it is natural to be jealous, sometimes we have to be happy for our friends and the positive relationships that they have forged. Not everyone is going to stay in our lives forever and not everyone is capatible. We have to live and cherish those relationships we have.

Chet said...

Those feelings are natural very natural, one has so little control over those feeling, but keep you heart and mind in the right place and just deal with the feelings of uncertainty it too will pass.