Friday, May 18, 2007

part 2 : gender Nonconformity

What makes somebody gay or straight? Are we born gay? Is it genetic or social upbringing? Is it religious based? Those are the questions I have asked myself over the years. After watching the 60 minutes special on Homosexuality, I was motivated to blog about some of the findings in reference to my life.

"The bedrooms of 9-year-old twins Adam and Jared couldn't be more different. Jared's room is decked out with camouflage, airplanes, and military toys, while Adam's room sports a pastel canopy, stuffed animals, and white horses. Jared was eager to show her his G.I. Joe collection. "I have ones that say like Marine and SWAT. And then that's where I keep all the guns for 'em," he explained. Adam was also proud to show off his toys. "This is one of my dolls. Bratz baby," he said. Adam wears pinkish-purple nail polish, adorned with stars and diamonds. Asked if he went to school like that, Adam says, "Uh-huh. I just showed them my nails, and they were like, 'Why did you do that?'"

Is Adam Gay?
Well the experts are saying he has "Childhood Gender Nonconformity." A child whose interests and behaviors are more typical of the opposite sex. Research shows that kids with extreme gender nonconformity usually grow up to be gay.

So I ask myself, did I have Childhood Gender Nonconformity?

Let me go down my list here...

1. Ok, there were times I would put socks in my shirt and act like I had boobs. There were even times I when I got out the shower, I would wear my towel up to my chest, instead of at my waist. And yes, even I used to walk around in my mother's high heels. It was funny, and if anything I wanted to know how women balanced themselves in those things. Does that mean I want to act & dress like a woman?

2. I had a huge He-Man collection, but a part of me always wanted to buy a She-Ra toy. Why? Because she was cool and pretty! I even would play with my cousin's Jem Dolls, and act like they were rock stars.I loved that show. I even wanted to have a doll house, but was always to scared to ask. Does that mean I wanted to play with girl toys?

3. I was never a sports kid. I was very active, but never wanted to get dirty... or hurt for that matter. I played hand games with the girls! I jumped rope with the girls. Even Hide & Go Seek with them. Most of my cousins were girls, so who else was I suppose to hang out with? Does that mean I wanted to socialize like females?

Now I know that what I did isn't really that extreame... Or is it? Have straight guys done this as well? I know some of you guys have... or maybe not? Do I have this condition, do all us homosexuals have it?


Dayne Avery said...

I think even straight men experience the things you have shared. Most would not admit it but have tried on heels, played with dolls, and have had innocent same sex emotions. It sounds like natural human curiosity. Children don't actually realize that there is a definite distinction between the sexes until the time they enter 1st grade or so. It is also only when they are influenced by outside sources (usually parents and peers) that they realize there are "girl toys", "boy toys", "boy games", "girl games" etc.

And then they learn gender roles and it’s all down hill from there. But we are not born with that knowledge, it is shaped.

fuzzy said...

ok let me think back. I used to walk in my mothers high heels. uhhhh I dont think that could be considered part of anything because I think that turned into a high-heeled fetish! lol high heels turn me on and get me all excited, what can i say!
moving on...
I always was facinated about doing my mommies hair even though i was good at it she went to the beauty parlor anyway! lol that sums it up... no doll houses or dolls for me! i would play sports, just not often...

Anonymous said...

The parents have failed these children.

ShawnQt said...

I have to kindly disagree with you Captain.

While I do understand a Parent gearing children to do what is socially normal, it was the child's request to for a Barbie.

What I find interesting is that people don't find anything wrong wih given a a girl a firetruck. They are just Tomboys and that is ok.

But to give a boy a barbie? That is a NO NO!

This has nothing to do with sexuality or homosexuality... this really boils down to how MEN or Society see WOMEN or FEMALE TRAITS.

Women are seen as weak or inferior!
There comes a different type of interaction when a boy plays with a barbie. That doesn't mean it is "wrong" or she "failed".

The child is living a free and happy life.

I will say this. If I was parent, I would also let my child know that within this world, people will "tease" and disagree with his "choices" so it is up to you in what way you want to express yourself in public.

Jay said...

My turn...I do think at a young age we are aware of who we are and what we want. These images/ideas become clouded by the socially accepted roles of our society. And no captain the parents have not failed that boy, but done a great job of allowing their children to be themselves and not surpress who they are. What happens to homosexual males that try to surpress who they are? They become the confused dl men who fuck women with no remorse and sleep with men on the side. They are the married men that decide 15years into a marriage that they can't continue to live a lie and destroy the lives of their children and wife. Looking at old pictures I realized I posed like a female but that was it. I wasn't into barbies, I did have a shera but she was fucking one of my he men and an army guy (as I got older they would have 3somes and then the girl disappeared). I love sports. Wanted 2 play football but my moms wouldn't let me. Would play in the field with friends and never was turned on when/if I was tackled. But I knew I liked boys at a young age. But society and parents try 2 conform us all to our gender roles instead of letting us find ourselves. I don't kno if I would have a love for sports if it wasn't for my father pushing it on me in an attempt to help me make friends (well football was always my thing but I kept up on basketball to fit in, now I don't watch it. Baseball was b/c my cousin played and watched it, I still enjoy it). That was a long way of saying, I do think gender nonconformity is an early sign of homosexuality as well as self awareness.

Omar Ramon said...

The only ting I can think of is that gracefulness appealled to me. I and all my sibling walk on our toes. i don't know why , we just does from the time we learn how to walk. I took it step further and tries my skills at walking in straight lines and balancing on curbs and things like that. I would sometimes get teased in highschool by my friends. They said I looked as though I were floating when I walked! lol I took it as a compliment *shrug*.
I also had a fascination with nails. My moms hands were always very pretty and mine look like hers. My nails hard very white and shiny, althought I've never gotten a manicure. i sometimes grow them out just because i like the way they look. I always end up cutting them off ater a few weeks because who can type that way? lol

Anyway, the mother stated in the interview " I could have tried to make him act more macho, the way a I'm used to a little boy being. But that would only damage him and I would never hurt my children."

she is genuinely and deeply concerned for her son's mental and emotional well-being. she has selflessly put her own preconceived notions aside and chooses to embrace her son and allow him his own growth procces, with compassion and acceptance. The little boy is well mannered, intelligent, clean and healthy. She has in no way failed her child. If anything, his life will be that much easier because he has a familial support system that he will always be able to depend upon to help him endure the ignorance of society, maintaining his sense of self confidence and self worth. Not all straight,gay,bi or indifferent can say that! He is blessed.