Tuesday, December 05, 2006

they all left me : part 2

I first want to say that I am NOT breaking up with Fuzzy! So everyone can stop sending him e-mails & text messages, lol. I love my Fuzzy (Yup Yup) I love my Fuzzy!

I wrote the poem out of an insecurity I have felt over the years. I mean I was a virgin for 24 years.... Let me explain. While I have been intimate with a guy since I was 16 (kissing, oral, grinding), I have never had intercourse until I was 24. I lost my virginity to someone I loved who was also a virgin. It was a great experience, even though I was laughing the entire time!

Thinking: "Look at me I'm having sex!" LOL

Anyway... I was the top in that situation. The plan was for us to have a versatile relationship. But of course, the relationship didn't last that long. He may not know this, but when he told me that after we broke up, he topped somebody, it got me thinking...

Did he break up me because I wouldn't give him any azz?

I'm sure that wasn't the case, but my brain was on alert. Then, I started thinking about all my past relationships. Did any of them break up with me because of that? So somehow out of all of this, I gained a fear that if I didn't give it up, the guy would leave me.

Thus the poem...

We are doing fine. I'm not leaving him, and our transition into versatility is working on our own time. This is the reason why I don't discuss my sex life on here, LOL. Trust and beleive, me and my man are very satisfied with what we have... we just want to experience more. It just takes me a little bit more time then most. It's my body, and I'm entitled to that.

I like to share my life so that it may help someone else who may be going through the same thing. But all these jokes about making me a bottom, and taking dick has got to stop! Half of ya got "bottum" hangups to! So anyway... I hope everyone enjoyed the poem, and shout out to Playboy Adonis for his version (From the other man's point of vew) of my poem (check the comments section of the last post to read it).

So moving right along... DANCE VIDEO COMING UP TOMMORROW!

Luv Ya Blogopia,
// ShawnQt //


Soldier said...

I was waiting for this post to comment because the other one, well damn it got me speechless.
It's your body indeed. Taking turns sure is a good thing but u gotta be ready 4 it. it would have been easier if u had done that when u were 14 or somethin but uh... now it aint the same thing.
Step by step u'll get there and u'll be comfortable and u'll be happy and Fuzzy will be 2, and everythin will be fine.

Playboy Adonis said...

Each relationship is unique. We should strive to be more open and honest than we were in our previous relationships and we should not be afraid to explore new things.

It sounds like you are willing but perhaps there is something preventing you from dropping your guard.

When the right time comes, you will know.

I'm one of those kind of dudes who has to have some ass but with the right person I'll give up the ass. That's cause I aim to be pleased and I make it a point to please.

You got to know when to hold and when to bend ove' ..LOL

But if you are with somebody who desires some ass, don't hold them down on pretenses when you know you are not going to give it up. You can find true happiness in somebody else and they can to.

Playboy Adonis said...

I'm getting tired of looking at my little bitty bird faced ass picture in these comment boards. I'm gonna change that bitch.

Anonymous said...

"Trust and beleive, me and my man are very satisfied with what we have..."

well.. we know U are. we ain't heard from ya man now have we? i suspect his little fella ain't retired... and why buy that dildo if he ain't sniffn at ya booty eh?

playboy adonis: you are gorgeous honey!!!!!!!!! don;t u be worried about that pic! your momma got braggn rights...

Queer Kid Of Color said...

Gosh, can we just stop talking about sex.

Charles X said...

^ Is you serious? This is grown man's blog... but anyways, it is good that you are taking your time to get right psychologically and physically.. I'm on that tip too. Keep it up!

Daryn said...

I've been reading through all your old blogs and havin so much fun. When i got to this one it was like the room went quiet coz it hit on a very big personal issue for me. I'm 24 and i've never had penetrative sex. I was 20 the first time i touched another guy. I've refused to start a relationship with anyone so far because I've always felt it would be unfair to the other person if I'm not "puttin' out" in any way. I also just wasn't interested in relationships but now I am ready to be in a relationship and I still have no desire to have penetrative sex. So far I blew my chances with one guy because I am very upfront about my position on sex and I know its gonna be rough finding someone who will be ok with it. Just finding a man is already so hard so I've already come to terms with this being a very difficult journey. I'd really like to find someone who will not feel slighted by the lack of that kind of connection in our relationship but it would also be great to get to the point where you are, where I would actually WANT to take that step with someone. It's a long comment basically to say thanks for sharing your life... it's great to know that there are people with similar experiences out there.