Maybe I'm protecting him. Maybe I'm protecting other people's feelings. Maybe I'm protecting myself... right now, I can't hold it in anymore.
Moving on from a past relationship is tough. Moving on from a relationship in Blog World is even tougher! I made a decision to allow my boyfriend to blog along side me knowing the blessings and the consequences behind it. It has been a joy to see him grow, gain new friendships, and express himself via his blog. I have been very open and very candid about our relationship so that maybe it could be an inspiration for others. The downside is that, I have had to "tone down" or "delete" or down right "say nothing" about certain issues between him and I, that I always wanted to express. My experience has been filtered. Overall, I will always respect our privacy and honor our friendship.
With all that to say, I can't deny the want and need to express the most greatest feeling known to man. LOVE. In all its stages. From a simple crush to infatuation. From sexual desires, to falling in love. From hurt & pain, to making up. These are the feelings and dreams and desires I long for. And Blog World, I so want to express. So with that I bring you this blog post.
An Abstract Attraction
Abstraction is the process or result of generalization by reducing the information content of a concept or an observable phenomenon, typically in order to retain only information which is relevant for a particular purpose.
I am attracted to a beautiful man.
It doesn't matter who he is, how old he is, where he came from, what he looks like. To You and to me is a beautiful man, and I'm attracted to him. He came to me in the most friendliest of ways. I knew who he was. Short like I was, but strong enough to carry anything. Well not everything. He needed help with a stage prop. It was for a show. I was in it to. A backup dancer, here obtaining my dream to entertain. He was here to support his boyfriend, I mean his girlfriend, no wait I guess his boyfriend. When there are wigs and makeup involved you never know! Yet he was very strong. Masculine even. Maybe a bit of a thug. I didn't know, all I knew was that he needed help, and I did.
That would be the first time seeing him.
Months past, and I was parading online, and there he was again with her, I mean him. They looked cute together. Always wondered how it worked, such a juxtaposition. While "attractive" in nature, I never thought anything else of it. Until now. How he came to me was in the most simplest of ways. Three Letters and a Blue screen, if your gay, then you know what I mean. Like I said, he came to me in the most friendliest of ways.
Yet being Single, both at the same time just seemed right. I never did believe at love at first sight, but "attraction" I can admit to. Have you ever met someone and both of you guys just smile at the same time? As if you guys knew each other before you met? It is very abstract really.
The tingling feeling you get, the tightness of your face when you smile. The warmness of the hug. It just all felt right, in the mist of of my slut puppiness & insecurities. As he came inside with a house filled with dudes, all I could see was him. Many where shocked, wondering where he came from and who he was. It didn't matter to me. All that matter was that I was drifted away for a moment. I will admit the liquor helped.
From the first time I saw him that night, until now, he has been with me every single day. Why? I think its our abstract attraction to something that we all enjoy that is keeping us close and near. Companionship. Sexual Desires. Mutual Trust. Inspiration. Even the possibility of... LOVE.
Yet when ever LOVE exist, there is FEAR. Fear that it is to soon, fear that this is only for a moment, fear of trust, dishonesty & jealousy. What will this abstract attraction bring.... only time will tell.