Monday, December 03, 2007

parental lessons

If you guys don't already know, my friends and myself have taken in a 17 year old homeless gay teenager who was kicked out of his home by his father. You can get the back stories by reading:

Blaq's Blog: Lift as we Climb

I'm really impressed by the giving and nurturing spirit that my friends have expressed towards someone we just met over a week ago. It saddens me that a father would kick out his son because of his sexual orientation... but this is all to common. I am blessed that my mother, even though she feels uncomfortable talking about it, never expressed that she didn't love me and would kick me out. I never knew that some of my friends really related to this same situation.

Being a Parent over night is NOT easy. Trying to draw the line of what a 17 year old should be exposed to is a very fine line. I think our main goal is to make sure he has a safe and non judgemental environment to eat, sleep, and be able to grow as a person. Over the weekend we attended a house party where there was music, card playing, and drinking.

He wanted to drink, yet he is underage. Yet, like some parents I know, they give there teenage children liquor before 21, so that way they know how to drink responsible. He was in a house, we had at least 5 people watching him, give him a Smirnoff. lol. It's light, and has very little liquor in it.  As the night moves on, everyone is having a good time, people are getting tipsy and drunk by the hour... somebody decided to sneak a drink. We caught him with a full cup, and reduced it to half. Yet somehow he was able to play a game and receive shots! He was slick, he knew what he was doing, and you could tell that he was drunk.

"I'm not drunk, I'm just tired."

Yeah right... 5 minutes later, he is sitting on the steps with some friends crying about everything he has gone through. Jay always used to tell me that drinking doesn't solve your problems, it just enhances what your feeling. Then the dramatics came! He went into this whole "Thank You" speech!

Thank You for my Big Brother X for taking me to that party...
If it wasn't for that PARTY I wouldn't have met you all...
Thank You Shawn for that party Lord...
Thank You GOD, you all will be rewarded...
Thank You Omar for taking me into your home...
Thank You for taking me to Church...
I needed to go to Church Lord...
Thank You Fuzzy for helping...
You make the best Hamburger Helper...
You all will be rewarded...

That went on for about an hour, in someones bedroom, on the floor, while everybody was balling! I have never seen Reg or X cry as much as they did. I guess they both felt that they could have been out on the street just like him if they told there loved ones. Both of them live very closeted lives with homophobic parents, and I really feel bad for them. Hopefully they can use that energy to help out another, and inspire themselves to getting out of there own situations.

Parental Lesson #1: No more drinks for him! LOL. I'm glad he got it all out, but that was just too much drama in somebody else's house.

There is so much more, we all have to think about. What is a proper curfew? What should he do about a job? Hobbies? Getting to and from school? (Thanks to X, he now has a Train and Bus Card) Chores & Home Responsibilities? Boyfriends & Sex? His protection from his family? Exposing him to positive experiences?

It is a lot. Omar knows that my house is always open to anyone, and will help in anyway. Even still when he moves in with Blaq, so we shall see how this goes...

10 comments:

Dayne Avery said...

Hey Shawn. I missed the back stories about the 17 year old. However, reading this blog hit close to home. So many people are either forced to live in hositle "homes" or are kicked out because of sexual orientation. What you guys are doing is beautiful. I'm not the overly emotional type but this post was kinda touching.

Promiscuous X said...

Lol Amen no more drinks for his lil ass. He got me all emotional. and yes we need to sit him down an explain to him even though hes not living at home with his dad, but he still has to have some ground rules. He has his freedom but its only so much he can be exposed to without having the proper guidance. etc. He is costing a nigga some money lol but i dont mind i look at it as an investment. We are investing our time to make sure this boy gets all the love an support he needs to succeed in life. Somethings he has to learn on his own like we all did, but as far as everything else we can help him to grow into a great strong black gay man. We all know this world is challenging an has its ups and its downs. Im getn a lil emotional. Oh well let me get back to work.

bLaQ~n~MiLD said...

Ok first, how ya'll let my son drink w/out his dad (me)...? LoL.

Yea becoming a parent overnight isn't easy. I've been finding myself thinking about lil man quite often and thinking about how to work the logistics out when he comes to stay. As I told him last night it will all come together.

No more drinks (w/out dad...lol)!

~Damnit!

bLaQ~n~MiLD said...

O and btw...why I was not invited to the CARD PARTY will also be a topic of discussion next time I see you young man!

~Damnit!

fuzzy said...

It was so wierd to have taken him into my house. Its not the biggest house, and not too far from the smallest of places either. I took him in because I had a concern over him. I still have a concern over him. I want to be there for him when he needs an ear and be a shoulder for him when he needs to be weak.

During this past week, though I had no money to me (literally none) I somehow managed to have food for him to eat. I made sure he was in school everyday. I took an almost complete stranger in my home and cared for him. I felt like I was in charge of him. I felt a need to take care of him. I honestly felt like a father.

Typing this comment, right now the 17 year old is at O's house, I genuinely miss him. It is quiet. I wonder what he is doing. I wonder what is going on with him. The whole experience has built me up to another level that I didn't think I was going to be at this soon.

What could this molding experience be shaping me into?

Cash S. said...

I really admire you and your family of friends. You all seem like very honorable men. Not too many would do something like that.

Dapper D said...

Kudos guys! Life means nothing if you are not growing and growing others in your progression. We are all placed here to leave some type impression and then we are no more.

Keep up the great works,

Dapper

ShawnQt said...

@ Dayne

I can't take to much credit, most of it goes to X, Omar, Dee & Fuzzy. I had to babysit a couple of times, and most of the entertaining is done at my house... so we talk, and I try and understand the type of kid he is. He likes calling me old since Im the oldest amongst us... he going to have to stop that before I have a "New York" moment and kick everybody out! lol.

@ X
No more drinks for your big azz, if u come at me like you did, I don't care how tall ur azz is, Im hitting and running! lol. I never seen you so emotional... but Im glad u got it out.

Honestly the person who's house he is in should be the one creating the house rules. I seen Omar in action with him yesterday, he is lethal... I love when he gets all intellectual on a brotha, scares me into handling my own business!

X I know that even within your own family, ur always dishing out, and it can be a burden. One of your greatest virtues is ur giving spirit, so be mindful of how much u give so u don't lose it. Sometimes u have to think about urself.

@ Blaq
He don't need to drink no more! But when he is your house, let him be a drinking fool if u like, lol.

It was not my party to begin with... we kinda roll deep, dont think the host wanted that many people in the house. Now we may never be invited again, lol. Calling us Crybabies and shit, lol.

@ Fuzzy
You have always mad a way out of no way... you have a very giving and nuturing spirit.

@ Cash
Thanks Cash! I am very proud of them!

@ Dapper D
I think I can have any influence on him, I would hope that he could have some kind of artistic talent since he says he wants to have one.

bLaQ~n~MiLD said...

O No@ drinkin fool. No sir! We have to lay down those foolish things! LoL.


~Damnit!

Ty said...

I didn't know that you guys have taken this on. It is a very serious responsibility, especially at that age. I really commend you guys for stepping in and wish only the best for all of you.