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Sometimes I can't hide things very well, and other times I wear my feelings on my sleeves.

For the past couple of weeks, everybody has been pissing me the fuck off. It is as if everyone pulled there pants down, took out there lil pee-pees, and gave me a golden fucking shower. As I stood there in my toilet filled anguish, I felt like shit. Since when did I become the rest room for every body's problems?

This facility is out of order.

Indeed, my mind was out of it's natural order of who I am, or what I am suppose to be. I made a conscious decision to not let other people's problems become my problems, unless I had a role in helping in the process of fixing it. What do I look like, President Bush?

You guys know, I am not a religious person, actually sometimes I wish I was. It would make my life easier to just follow an outdated, dogmatic, fear-based doctrine. At least I could follow a routine of sitting in church and being reminded about how much of a sinner I am. That's it, I need Reminders! (Thanks God!)

I need a list of things that details my morals and values, and general guidelines that best benefit my life. (Christians: See Bible.) At least that way, when family, friends, and boyfriends come up to me with "A LOAD", I can smile in there face and remember, "What would Jesus do?"

I can be the kind hearted, unbias, nurturing, listening and attentive man I know I am. Now I know I am not going to be as good as Jesus is, because one day you guys are going to make me "bitch-slap" a homo, but I know my limitations.

Jay told me that I can't save the world and choose the highest moral code in every situation. You know what Jay, your right. (Jay likes to be right) Sometimes you have to fight a war to protect your freedom. Sign Me up Mister, I's going to battle!

Battle to...

...achieve ever single Goal & Dream I set out for myself.

...love those that love me in return, and even those that don't.

...forgive those who Shut The Door in my face.

... being ME, even if you don't like me.

FUCK YOU... LOVE ME.

(And I am telllllinnnggg you, I ain't gooooinnnggg....)

I am going to be ShawnQT, with a capital QT, because nobody can't take away my confidence. You know what it is about confidence? You can call it conceited if you want, but people feed off of that. People admire Confident People. Just look at people like Sen. Obama. The key to confidence is that, you allow other people to have confidence as well. I try and make a point to do that with everyone that I meet or know.

It is not about how you "got it like that" or how "big your name is" on something or even "how bad you have it" (People use there trials and tribulations for attention to now!), it is about what you "DO." Let me say that again. It is about what you "DO." So I have to keep doing what I'm doing, so that other people can see you can do the same thing.

Isn't that what Jesus would do?

now that I got that out...

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