After reading Jay's post called "Good Guy", I was inspired to write my own version:
"For years now I have claimed to be a good guy, the perfect mate, a good catch, however, I have been questioning my statues."
I have put on this persona that I am a "Good Guy" yet I too don't think I truly am. I am proud to say that I have been in three long lasting relationships since I was 23. Each one I instilled in me what Jay says are the best qualities of a good man: Attentiveness, Compassion and Giving. And I add, trustworthy, loving, and spiritual. I have been very dedicated & committed to my boyfriends and always made sure that they felt secure and trusted with me.
Yet when I'm SINGLE,
then the "Good Guy" goes out the window!
It feels like this other side of me really wrestles back and forth in my head. It's like one shoulder there is the Angel and on the other side is the Devil. Or even better...
Beyonce VS Sasha! It's like I have a Sexually Enticing Twin!
Over the years this is the pattern I have seen when I am single:
• I thrive off the attention of others
mostly in a sexual manner.
• I look for people to quench my sexual thirst,
only to leave them dry.
• I flirt with men, even though
I know they have boyfriends.
• I would dance with a guy and feel him up,
and never give them my number.
• I call the chat line, act like I'm a thug,
just so they can get off.
• I webcam and get people aroused,
only to cut it off during climax.
• I would flirt with an ugly guy,
only to ignore there phone calls later.
• I would invite guys to come over,
only to never give them my address.
• I act like I am a bottom,
only to tell them I'm still a virgin.
Then I realized that I am a REAL BIG TEASE! I was never one to go down the "whorish avenue" even though I have tried. I would think of inviting them over, then get nervous, knowing they its just a one night stand. I don't like the whole "hook up" feeling. If it happens, it happens, but planning it just seems so out of my character.
I was never one to play the field. I can't date two or three people at the same time. I would start forgetting stuff we talked about, even start calling them the other person's name! I can't divide my time enough for everybody, and it feels more like a job then trying to get to know somebody.
As much as I think about joining in a threesomes, orgies, and sex parties, I feel like I would have performance issues because there are just way to many people watching me, and it would all seem like I'm "acting." So I mean I'm not really a "whore" but this is the issue that bothers me.
What Jay stated was:
"Even in my whorish state I refuse to lead people on. I give them the information needed to make their own informed choice. I play by my rules and let those people know how it is, if its just sex its just sex, if its more than its more. If I'm talking to more than one person, I let it be known."
Even though I'm not hurting anyone, being a tease LEADS PEOPLE ON. I don't want to be that way. I think 90% of the time, I'm not doing it on purpose. I think I just do it because I know what it means to get close with someone and get attached through sexual means, so I stop in a very selfish manner.
Here is an example. With Shortie in my last post, he told me upfront "Once you cross that line with me, your mine." And I bypassed what he told me, and was still intimate with him. Then I asked him to be friends, and he couldn't handle it. He started going on crazy, telling him I lead him on, and it sucks because technically I did.
"Your just like the other niggas."
I don't want to be like them. I want to be the GOOD GUY, but sometimes, I'm not. Then there was this guy that was really interesting to me. He was tall, light skin, very sexy... he was attracted to me, and he found me on myspace. We went out on a date, and it felt good. He was a great distraction away from being upset about the breakup. When I went to his house, we talked, we kissed, and he said to me.
"I'm trying to be GOOD GUY wth you."
"What you want to fuck me?", I said.
He smiles and says, "Yeah!"
"Well I'm kinda a virgin in that department..."
He laughs at me, and his dick goes down. Talk about seeing your ego shattered! Then I asked him to, suck my dick, and he tells me NO.
NO?
NO?!
WHO DOESN'T WANT TO SUCK MY DICK!
He didn't want to suck it, touch it, or even look at it! Then I was thinking, well maybe he is a total top. So I asked my friend, who had messed around with him months ago, and that wasn't the case at all! I got played... ok maybe KARMA played me.
So now, I'm laying low, trying to figure out why all this sexual energy exist in me. I'm glad I wrote this down because it has been bothering me ever since the breakup. I am all about LOVE and having INTIMATE connections with people that LOVE me and only me. Everything else is just sexual craziness that just passes the time, but I don't want someone to get hurt because of that.
Maybe being a GOOD GUY isn't so BAD.
16 comments:
everyone has sexual energy to expend and the sooner you get over your fears of how others will see you the better!! if you want to flirt do so , if yu want to hook up, FINE!! the thingis to consider that these are not just playhtings, these are people and it should be understood what is to be expected from one another by the days end. yeah, it's fun to play a role and all but if it doesn't sit well with you then chances are you shouldn't be doing it! just think how the person feels on the receiving end!
i am a flirt...most people who know me , know that...but its the safest bet to just let people know what you're really after...otherwise you may be denied when your front falls back and everything comes to light. depending how ya playing partner deals, Ya never know, you could very well get the attention you want and have those desires fullfilled if you just put ya cards on the table at the beginning of the game. For instance, if you had told that last dude that you just wanted to mess around and not played the "bottom role" (ugh i hate the social implications of that term) then he would have a better idea of what desires could be realized through his interaction with you and avoided the disappointment. then maybe he wouldn't have rejected your offer.
just my thoughts...i don't feel like editing/spellchecking...
Both you and J are a mess! And I'm loving every minute of it!!! LMAO.
Am I a good guy? Yea in a relationship, but when not in a relationship, I do me within reason. I don't believe in fuk'n with someone without knowing a lil bit about them so you'd hardly catch me meeting someone let alone fuk'n on the first night. Most peeps get bored with me before we even meet and that's how I route out the bad boyz/playaz. But I handles mines!
~Damnit!
We had our side convo about your post already, but I will add, be careful how and who you tease, you never know what another person has been through or capable of.
Could you maybe have a sexual
relationship wit the ex
manchild
Be good when you have to be good...Nothing wrong with being bad sometime though.
your statues ??? umm... your status or your art collection?
great blog post but u sound more like the HORNY guy now u are single..
Hmmm, this is an interesting post. It hits home. I know I'm a tease and have mislead a few men. I think most of us strive to the be the "good guy", but we all have that other side we keep tucked away.
LMAO @ PONONO u always catch it
@pono & Omar
I copied the quote from Jay's blog, so I don't like messing with people's words.
Sounds like you are getting out some of your post relationship frustration. Being as though you were in LTRs ever since 23 you have things pinned up inside-unexplored possiblities, if you will. There is nothing wrong with seeing where things go as long as you stay true to yourself. And from what I read it seems like you are.
LOL... I love your honesty. I wanna be like you when I grow up.
You have been officially tagged! Visit "http://canuimagineme.blogspot.com/2007/11/tag-blogger-edition-what-happened-to.html" for details!
Talk about self disclosure. Hmmm, well I don't think that there is nothing wrong with flirting and if the person just assumes that you are going to do this and that, well, that's on them. If they ask you and you mislead them verbally, then that's another story. Like someone said earlier, I just think you are going through post break up itch. Enjoy your life.
Booooooooo to so-called tops that don't suck dick! LOL I don't see them at all.
Who cares if you're a good guy or bad guy, either way you express it, someone WILL get hurt no matter how anyone try to justify their will, intent or shortcomings.
Interesting...Over the summer, when I went to the barber, "I'm A Flirt" come on over the radio...And, ole dude who was cutting me made a commit to someone that I will NEVER forget: "Errbody a flirt, in they own lil' way!" LMAO, I know right!
Anyway, a while ago, I realized that I, in fact, am a firt...in my own way, LOL!! And I actually have lead niggaz on in the past...Without even knowing it!
I think everyone has a lil' "Tease" in them.
;-)
I think everyone can relate to this post. It does suck at times being a Good Guy, but you can be a Good Guy with a bad guy alias, lol!
Anywho, booo to all the non-dyck suckers!
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